My letter of apology

I have been in many relationships. 

Some successful, others a complete mess. But there are those relationships, the ones you never forget, or the one. 

Recently, I went through a rough breakup. I lost the person I loved most, and I didn’t lose this person in the sense that the person went away. No.. She stayed. 

People say that when you are able to be friends after a breakup, it surely couldn’t have been love. And I don’t know. Maybe someone wants to hold on for dear life, hold on to something familiar without it destroying them. 

It’s the worst kind of love, the one that lingers, the one that never goed away, the one that eats you alive because you know only one love and you cannot change and yet it is expected of you. 
This is my letter of apology.

 I’m sorry, but I can’t change my heart. 
We are broken people in this world, and many times we may never know how we will get the courage to breathe tomorrow, we don’t know how we will get the strength to get a foor out of bed and yet you force yourself to do it, because it’s expected of you. 

It’s expected that when you smoke, it comes back out. But it doesn’t. It stays in your lungs, in your blood. You take it until you can’t and then you do it again and again and again. Until one day.. You can’t breathe in anymore. 

So this is my letter. 

I found my love, my truest love, the purest. With fights and all. And yet you’ll never take me back… 

I had to be taught to be patient for the next message, I had to be taught how to love directly without being scared. And you did it babe, you taught me so well. 

I am addicted to your direct love and now that you are gone, you are still in my blood and in my breath and in my touch. 

All I wanted to say was that I am sorry, that I couldn’t be the person you deserved. You will someday find that person and they will be the luckiest person alive. But I will never love again. Not because you left. Not because of anything that happened. 

I will never regret any of it. 

But because you were my direct love baby. You were all I needed. And now there’s just no more breaths left. 

I am floating, without motion. 

And it’s because you were perfect for me. 

There will never again be another you