My letter of apology

I have been in many relationships. 

Some successful, others a complete mess. But there are those relationships, the ones you never forget, or the one. 

Recently, I went through a rough breakup. I lost the person I loved most, and I didn’t lose this person in the sense that the person went away. No.. She stayed. 

People say that when you are able to be friends after a breakup, it surely couldn’t have been love. And I don’t know. Maybe someone wants to hold on for dear life, hold on to something familiar without it destroying them. 

It’s the worst kind of love, the one that lingers, the one that never goed away, the one that eats you alive because you know only one love and you cannot change and yet it is expected of you. 
This is my letter of apology.

 I’m sorry, but I can’t change my heart. 
We are broken people in this world, and many times we may never know how we will get the courage to breathe tomorrow, we don’t know how we will get the strength to get a foor out of bed and yet you force yourself to do it, because it’s expected of you. 

It’s expected that when you smoke, it comes back out. But it doesn’t. It stays in your lungs, in your blood. You take it until you can’t and then you do it again and again and again. Until one day.. You can’t breathe in anymore. 

So this is my letter. 

I found my love, my truest love, the purest. With fights and all. And yet you’ll never take me back… 

I had to be taught to be patient for the next message, I had to be taught how to love directly without being scared. And you did it babe, you taught me so well. 

I am addicted to your direct love and now that you are gone, you are still in my blood and in my breath and in my touch. 

All I wanted to say was that I am sorry, that I couldn’t be the person you deserved. You will someday find that person and they will be the luckiest person alive. But I will never love again. Not because you left. Not because of anything that happened. 

I will never regret any of it. 

But because you were my direct love baby. You were all I needed. And now there’s just no more breaths left. 

I am floating, without motion. 

And it’s because you were perfect for me. 

There will never again be another you

Diary .. Entry 1

My mind has drifted off while my life took over

My heart has been pulled away from writing, I guess you need to be in the right state of mind .

This is my diary… The one I share with all the people who know.

 

I was in my bed, sharing it with you.

I tried to wake you up, touching your arm..tummy.. chest.. But all you did was hold my hands together so they wouldn’t move… “I can’t sleep”… I said softly…

 

 

 

Rip my heart

The scary thing about love

I’m almost positive that when you read this, you might feel the same.

 

It all started with a morning conversation about kissing. we laughed, there were questions, and then you told me you were in love with me.

My heart was pulsing so much I could hardly concentrate on the meeting I was in. Finally the one I adored, was in love with me..

Days and weeks went by, happy, like never before.

And one sad day I woke up realizing that something big happened and I wasn’t even aware of it all.

I regret ever asking you about it

Because it all went down in flames

I cried, you cried

And then you told me you couldn’t do it anymore, not the way we are use to be together.

Now

I listen to the voice notes you sent me, saying… Baby.. I.. Really love you

And it plays over and over in my head and in my heart, because I’m still there and you’re nowhere to be found

 

And now…

Even in the briefest of moments I get glimmers of who we use to be

The love we shared, the happiness

 

And now…

I’m left behind

Because there’s so many things waiting for you

While I just sat, waiting for you

 

Because..

There has never been anyone else for me, you were the first, you’ll be the last

 

A heart can only scar that many times

And I won’t beg to be hurt, yet another day

 

Love..

The girl you left behind.

 

And if I can’t, nor can you

Words has poison
Seeping through
Nothing I can do
Nor can you

Accepting our fate
Even though this world we hate
Nothing I can do
Nor can you

I’m sorry, I have no advice my dear
Unfortunately you’re gonna have to face the fear
There is nothing I can do
And if I can’t, nor can you

So we sit, all bunched together
Through this angry saddened weather.
Nothing that anyone can do

This world is hard
Just stay true

… In the light of the dark

Your eyes pierce straight through me
In the light after dark
You skin shining in the shadows, showing life’s spark

I can’t help but look at you
Your eyes.. Different shades of blue
I just keep staring
Eyes like glue

Skin so smooth, a smile here and there
Then you move your hair behind your ear, asking me what i see..
… I see you and me

Wrap your hand perfectly into mine
Sit closer, making everything fine
Feel your warmth melting into my cold
I’ll be your cards.. And for you I’ll fold

It’s just you and I
We grow, we live this life…
Now there is nothing I can hide..
You see me, no longer blind
No masks or blankets to hide underneath
For you I care so deep..

So please hold me
Hold me near..
When you’re close, I have no fear..
It’s wonderful to have you here…

… My beacon

I want you to write me a letter
Something from the heart
Explaining how we’ll never be apart

I need you to write me a song
About us being strong

And I am writing this poem
Saying you are my home

Throughout this world, near or far
Keeping you close is all that matters to my heart

No matter near…
No matter far…
You are my only beacon
My shining star

I will find my way
In nights and in days
For you are the only one
Who knows my souls way..

So I write you this
Just to let you know
Some things might end, and others grow

But I tell you this
I’ll always show
Because I love you
And that’s all i know

…We run

In the mountains
Like wild horses we run
Catching glimpses of the light with the rising if the sun
Wind through our manes
Breath in our lungs
We speed through this world
Like a speeding bullet from a gun

But we come to rest
With the smallest of ease
The raging winds becomes a breeze
Together we stay
Near water and hay
Until the sun meets us again
On the outstretched plains

… Done fighting

I have this anger inside of me
I hit the wall
They break my dreams
When will they open their eyes
and start to see
All that they are doing, is destroying me

Broken knuckles
Red vine eyes, from every occasion I ever cried.

I can’t do this, cant do it anymore
Rather leave me behind standing at the door
I can’t do it.. I can’t do it anymore
I am left broken and you started the war

With word and gestures you never meant
I’m pulling on the shortest end
Broken days and endless nights

I am done, fighting these fights

Strong, beautiful, brave

One and one
Two in one
I found a little warmth in the sun
Next to you
I’m never blue

When your soul met mine
It was a meeting so divine
Made me walk a straighter line
But if you were to ask me..
It was about high time

Hand in hand
Lives unplanned
Talking about the future yet to be
Drawing lines
Connecting you and me
Wishing that we were boundless
Truly free

Don’t let go
There is still some road ahead…
Let’s take it slow
Go with the flow
Soak up the sun and wait to grow

But..
I’ll be here
When things go cold
I will bend and I will fold
I’ll keep you safe.. just like you were told
Until we see the sun again, yellow as gold

Just hold on
We’ll make it through
I will take away your tears
And you won’t be blue

Remember this..
It’s very true..
I
Really really
love you..